Thursday, January 7, 2010

19 today.

My oldest is 19 today. Where in the world did 19 years go, And how in the world did she grow up so fast. I have to admit, I really never thought about her being 19 when she was born, Probably because she was my first I was so focused on that, But I sure think about that with the other 5.
When she was born, I tell people that she walked right out, And she did!!! The nurses were in amazement that she keep trying to stand up when we were holding her. I remember one nurse saying that she would go go go her entire life, and would want to do everything. Boy was she right! This kid has never ceased to amaze me. You can throw anything at her, she deals and deals quite well. She in all accounts is completely different from me. She has turned into a very respected worker at her job, She is friendly to everyone she meets, A very good listener, But is careful not to get to involved or get in on the gossip part. She is honest, brutally at times, Calls a spade a spade. She is never afraid to go toe to toe with me, But comes to any debate fully loaded with info, Just how I like it!!!! hahaha. She hit the road on her own, Practically days after she turned 18, Just like I always knew she would, And she has done perfectly just as I always knew she would. We have had troubles establishing our relationship out of this new status, She instantly wanted to be an adult, And I was no where emotionally ready to let completely go. But we have been working on that, And it is going much smoother, We are becoming great friends. I always told her she could tell me anything or talk to me about anything, ANYTHING. And she does, We have no secrets, And without going into detail I mean none. I love that, and at times am mortified at what she tells me, But I act like I am not, lol. She is extremely happy in her own skin, Which was big one I wanted my kids to have, Since I was taught to never be happy with myself. I bask today in the fact that I helped raise a great kid and member of our community, But I mostly bask in the fact, That she did so much herself. She wanted to be let go at 14 with homeschooling to do her own thing. I was hesitant but she had learned almost all of what was necessary, She chose great things to pursue, Some just for her, But she went with the alpha omega curriculum and made the right choices. She has continued to make good choices since then, Even when mistakes were made, She eventually knew how to correct them and she did. She did eventually have a "rebellious period" right after she moved out, With a boy. We had many arguments over this boy, I see now that my ultimatums lead to her staying with him longer just to irritate me, Although if I had it to all over again, I would do everything exactly the same. She eventually knew I was right, pulled out of the rebellion, Realized I only did what I did because I cared so much, And said to me, Why did you not make me realize my mistake sooner, bahahahahah, kids. My favorite phrases are Hate me now love me thank me later and Everyone is just dumb until they hit around 30 and they have that epiphany of Holy cow I knew nothing and everyone older was right!!! The kids love me saying these too, Yeah Right!!!!
I did and raised her exactly the way I set out to . Unfortunately when I made my list of how I would raise my children, No one told me that one formula does not work with all children, In fact they each need their own formula. I have had to learn that the hard way over the years. She is good, She will be okay, She will make it. Today I let another little piece of her go, And move on to the next kid, Who will be 18 this year, A boy, totally different then her, completely different then her. But It still feels good that I have one that I did not do too bad on raising, And still lets me raise her a little now and then to make me feel good. She will always be my baby, always. I will always fiercely protect her like she is still a child. I will never forget the feeling I had when she was born and they handed her to me, never. I won't ever forget how she loved the camera and would sing for hours upon hours in front of it, Using up all our video tapes at 3 and 4 years old. I will never forget when she went to kindergarten, And she saw me peeking in the window of the classroom with tears streaming down my face, The teacher finally let her come outside, To which she told me go home, But make sure you come back 15 minutes before school is over so your not late!!!! I will never forget that at 11 years old after scary movies or during storms, she would still crawl in bed with me to be safe. I will never forget having to put her on a plane at 12 to go to meet her dad, and literally running through the airport crying to watch her plane until I could not see it anymore, And crying all the way home, And crying for 3 months while she was gone that summer. ( I am a crier). I will never forget the excitement of her packing up her stuff at 18 and moving out on her own, The same excitement we both shared. I will never forget to never forget the memories. Happy Birthday Kriztina, I love you. Mom